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Toni Lepeska

When a Parent Dies

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When a Parent Dies

Finding Healing through Grief

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Welcome, Friends.

I’m Toni. I appreciate the time you’ve taken to connect with me – and I’m sorry you find yourself in this place called grief.

Maybe you cannot imagine finding any sort of healing right now. Yet, you want to get to a more peaceful and happier place. You want to leap past the pain. Society is all too eager for you to “move on.” But grief demands we travel through it to find any true sense of healing. And that’s tough.

I’ve created this site to encourage you to authentically grieve. To take all the time you need. And to consider perspectives that will help you discover your own path toward healing.

Thank you for letting me join you on this journey. Now, let’s get to know each other better. Be sure to sign up for the newsletter to get personalized encouragement for this life after loss.

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Counteract false attitudes and platitudes with the download, Recognizing the Truth Behind 5 Grief Myths. Get peace of mind about your grief path. Sign up today! 

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About Toni

Toni Lepeska is a Memphis journalist, essayist and contributing author to two books. She uses personal stories and hard-won perspective to help “adult orphans” find their own path toward healing. Toni loves dazzlingly blue skies, big dogs suitable for tight hugs, and a man who married her at a chaotic time – around the beginning of life without her parents. She spent the next eight years sifting through the contents of her childhood home. Wrestling a tangle of emotions, she rediscovered the sense of safety she’d thought was lost forever. She found beauty in life again – and you can, too.

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What People Are Saying About Toni

Toni Lepeska’s website provides compassionate understanding and guidance for individuals grieving the loss of a parent. Her personal experience, Christian perspective and extensive background as a writer and speaker are all evident in her excellent blogs, developed to encourage those who are grieving through their journey of loss.

Susan Jacob, PhD, RN, author, researcher, grief support facilitator and professor
University of Tennessee Health Science Center

Toni is an excellent reporter and writer. She is conscientious to a fault, a dedicated worker who strives for the extra angle, the additional fact, the hidden nuance that brings the issue into sharper focus. She is as honest as the day is long, and she is committed toward always doing a good job.

William Bayne, former longtime staff writer
The (Memphis) Commercial Appeal

All-time Most Popular Blog Posts

Rejection Letters: Stories Reconnect Mother and Daughter Beyond Grave

Her articles were never accepted for publication, but if she’d never written them, I would have lost the stories. I would have lost a piece of her.

Read moreRejection Letters: Stories Reconnect Mother and Daughter Beyond Grave

3 Ways to Respond to Death Anniversaries

I call July “death month.” My parents died three years apart, both in July. I’ve been through lots of Julys now, and I’ve noticed three ways I’ve responded. I think they can help you, too.

Read more3 Ways to Respond to Death Anniversaries

3 Tips to Clean Out a Loved One’s Closet

I stood frozen in the doorway of my parents’ walk-in closet again, my eyes darting from Mom’s red party dress to Dad’s sports jackets. Cleaning out a loved one’s closet is perhaps one of the most daunting tasks. I put it off for eight years. Here’s what I learned.

Read more3 Tips to Clean Out a Loved One’s Closet
Woman with closed eyes and clasped hands beneath chin

A Decade with Grief: 8 Behaviors That Transformed Pain into Peace

We know grief usually evolves, becoming less intense and feeling more survivable years after the death of a parent. But how does that happen? Can we do or not do certain things to slow down or speed up our journey? Well, in a way, yes. In this article, I want to share what changed my …

Read moreA Decade with Grief: 8 Behaviors That Transformed Pain into Peace

Toni's Latest Posts

Grief: Healing is in the Details

February 28, 2023

We are trained to look at the big things when we're grieving, but if we overlook the small things, we will miss important milestones toward healing.

Read moreGrief: Healing is in the Details
Group of crayons

Grief & Holiday Memories

November 22, 2022

You probably have a special memory you go back to this time of year, the season of the Grief Super Bowl, the annual apex of grieving. It’s likely a bittersweet replay. I go back in my mind to a little girl at a dining room table, feet on a trailer vent grate for warmth and …

Read moreGrief & Holiday Memories
Old piece of luggage

The Duty of Legacy After a Death

June 19, 2022

Are you living with an eye toward legacy? What is legacy all about anyway? I think those of us who’ve had a parent die have thought about this word at least a little. And maybe we’ve wondered where it fits into our lives. The dictionary says legacy is anything handed down from the past, as …

Read moreThe Duty of Legacy After a Death
Black & pink ribbon pin

Please Don’t Say “Happy Mother’s Day”

May 5, 2022

Would someone please tell church leaders not to say “Happy Mother’s Day” to every woman as she arrives for worship service? Please tell them they need a new script for the grieving. My mother is dead, and I am not a mother. And I am not alone in feeling left out by that welcome at …

Read morePlease Don’t Say “Happy Mother’s Day”

When Your Mother Dies: Navigating Life & Loss Without Her

May 3, 2021

I found the homemade Mother’s Day card inside a box of her things, and I read what I’d written as a teenager. “If I didn’t have you what could I do?” At her house among her things, I thought, This is the question I’ve lived with since she died.

Read moreWhen Your Mother Dies: Navigating Life & Loss Without Her

Is Doing Grief Wrong Possible?

January 27, 2021

Give yourself credit. Even if you aren’t doing grief like your mother, best friend or neighbor. Even if you haven’t been out of bed in a week. Even if you still collapse in tears recalling how you missed your father’s last Christmas.

Read moreIs Doing Grief Wrong Possible?
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