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Toni Lepeska

When a Parent Dies

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A gray-haired woman with glasses seated in front of a library of books

Why Losing a Mother Is So Hard

I cannot help but recall what happened at this hospital 15 years ago. My mother’s march toward death began in a room like this, a hand sanitizer station fixed to a wall, tubes for oxygen behind a bed. I am here for minor surgery on my mother-in-law, but as I settle in for a long …

Read moreWhy Losing a Mother Is So Hard
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Fixing Father’s Day

My father’s photograph hangs in our hallway. I am horrible at decorating. I did not nail it there. My husband did. That might not seem terribly odd except I did not ask him to nail up the picture. And … my husband never knew my dad. He had died before I met Richard. Nonetheless, Richard …

Read moreFixing Father’s Day
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Tornado: The Roar in the Night

You never forget the roar. I was 8 years old when a tornado terrorized my family as we tried to survive in perhaps the worst possible structure to shelter us. I was tucked under the covers when the bedroom light came on, and the next thing I knew, my mother had pulled me out of …

Read moreTornado: The Roar in the Night

Grief: Healing is in the Details

We are trained to look at the big things when we're grieving, but if we overlook the small things, we will miss important milestones toward healing.

Read moreGrief: Healing is in the Details
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Grief & Holiday Memories

You probably have a special memory you go back to this time of year, the season of the Grief Super Bowl, the annual apex of grieving. It’s likely a bittersweet replay. I go back in my mind to a little girl at a dining room table, feet on a trailer vent grate for warmth and …

Read moreGrief & Holiday Memories
Old piece of luggage

The Duty of Legacy After a Death

Are you living with an eye toward legacy? What is legacy all about anyway? I think those of us who’ve had a parent die have thought about this word at least a little. And maybe we’ve wondered where it fits into our lives. The dictionary says legacy is anything handed down from the past, as …

Read moreThe Duty of Legacy After a Death
Black & pink ribbon pin

Please Don’t Say “Happy Mother’s Day”

Would someone please tell church leaders not to say “Happy Mother’s Day” to every woman as she arrives for worship service? Please tell them they need a new script for the grieving. My mother is dead, and I am not a mother. And I am not alone in feeling left out by that welcome at …

Read morePlease Don’t Say “Happy Mother’s Day”

When Your Mother Dies: Navigating Life & Loss Without Her

I found the homemade Mother’s Day card inside a box of her things, and I read what I’d written as a teenager. “If I didn’t have you what could I do?” At her house among her things, I thought, This is the question I’ve lived with since she died.

Read moreWhen Your Mother Dies: Navigating Life & Loss Without Her

Is Doing Grief Wrong Possible?

Give yourself credit. Even if you aren’t doing grief like your mother, best friend or neighbor. Even if you haven’t been out of bed in a week. Even if you still collapse in tears recalling how you missed your father’s last Christmas.

Read moreIs Doing Grief Wrong Possible?
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