When Your Mother Dies: Navigating Life & Loss Without Her

Mother’s Day in Your Face

Other than Christmas and the anniversary of her death, I miss my mom most at Mother’s Day. You can’t swing a dead cat without seeing something about the approach of Mother’s Day. Sometimes I get downright hostile about it.

In my email box: TCBY: A free treat for moms on Mother’s Day!

Delete.

At Chick-fil-A: Honor Mom’s Day, May 11.

Wad up the flyer on my tray.

At Kroger: A wall of Mother’s Day cards.

Quicken my pace to the check out.

No Easy Way

We imagine we’ll find a magic pill and the grief will go away, or at least fade into the background. I wish I could tell you there was an easy way to get through Mother’s Day.

Each Mother’s Day is different. I try different things. I’ve avoided morning worship services, where the pastor asks for all moms to stand to be honored. And I’ve also attended and congratulated the mothers enjoying their special day. I’ve celebrated my mother-in-law at Sunday afternoon lunches. And I’ve rummaged through my mother’s things to feel as though she is near me.

I’m gentle with myself. I gauge what I can handle. I vent my woes to my husband. It’s great to have a listener in your corner.

Two Things & Other Things

My mother was a follower of Christ. She accepted God’s provision for a fallen person to be reconciled to a perfect Creator. I also am a Christian. I cannot be good enough to get to heaven, but I know that the trip isn’t earned. It is accepted a gift.

If I didn’t think I’d see my mother again, I do not think I could cope. And if I did not see my mother’s hand in my life now, I’d mourn more deeply than I do.

“If I didn’t have you, what could I do?”

I’ve dived into knowing my mother better than I did through the things she left behind. I’ve tried to be the confident woman that she wanted me to be. I’ve remembered what she’d say to me when I was down in the times I needed her encouragement again. I’ve shared her life and her stories with readers.

I’ve let grief do its work, and so, like her, I’ve allowed my life to change and to grow and to become a testament for perseverance. Every time I think to give up, I remember my mother is cheering me on in the arena seating of heaven.

That is what I do without her. Until the day I see her again.

What positive memories or thoughts help you navigate grief? What strategy have you used or might you use this Mother’s Day to cope with the celebration?