3 Ways to Respond to Death Anniversaries
I call July “death month.” My parents died three years apart, both in July. I’ve been through lots of Julys now, and I’ve noticed three ways I’ve responded. I think they can help you, too.
Losing a Parent: Are We Destined to Feel Like Orphans?
Are we all destined to be children in the wake of our parents’ deaths? In light of the passing of a young mother last week, I questioned the label I’d once used for myself – adult orphan. Could I really compare my loss to that of three children under the age of 10? I don’t …
Do You Grieve for Grief?
I survived the yard sale without any major kick from grief to my insides. I’m not sure whether to celebrate that fact or bemoan it. The absence of grief is in itself a grief. I snapped a photo of my father’s fire engine red tool box at the feet of the buyer. I took other …
Cleaning Out Parents’ Home Painful, Valuable Process
I should have known better. I’ve been grieving long enough to know. But because I didn’t think ahead, I planned the last grand sale of my parents’ belongings right before Father’s Day. And right before “death month” – July. Both my parents died in the month of July, three years apart. Every year I march …
What Acceptance Stage Means to Me (and How I Didn’t Want to Go There)
I thought I’d never reach the so-called “acceptance” stage of grief, and I didn’t want to. How dare anyone think I’d consent to my parents being ripped from my life? And yet I find myself in a strange place. After a multi-year strangle-hold on my parents’ belongings – which helped me feel close to them …
Pond Water: Learning to Weather the Storm of Grief
We flushed the toilet using pond water and we took turns in a vigil by the gas stove, our only source of heat. In this way, we survived a power outage one winter during my childhood. I didn’t imagine my parents were teaching me how to weather a crisis, a physical one. Many years later, …
Facing Fear to Follow Father’s Footsteps
I squealed and talked into the camera. A selfie video. I was going to take the calculated risk of being drowned in an endless ocean to do what my father had done. To follow his footsteps. Are you afraid? I am sometimes. I was afraid after my father died. I was afraid of a life …
Keepsake Keeper Resolves to Latch Onto Memories & Hope of Heaven
I want to share a poem with you that I heard again just before Mother’s Day. I first read it in 2011 at a memorial service for a teenager. She had died “out of order,” before her parents. Jessica was very much loved. Her family and friends crafted a garden at the church she attended …
To Mom: What Would I Do Without You?
I discovered the homemade Mother’s Day card inside a box of her things and read what I’d written at the bottom as a young teenager. “If I didn’t have you what could I do?” Indeed, I told myself, sitting in her house among her things, This is the question I’ve lived with since she died. …