Toni Lepeska
When a Parent Dies
I expected a grand attack of grief upon the 10th anniversary of my father’s death, but it passed with a poised emotional response at the cemetery and a handful of flowers. Not so this time. Next month marks the 12th anniversary of Dad’s death. And the ninth anniversary of Mom’s. And the 1st anniversary I’ll …
I was a Daddy’s Girl. I didn’t know it until after he died. A boyfriend told me. You’re a Daddy’s Girl. I guess that means I was close to my dad. So is it any wonder I still feel him near? This Father’s Day will mark the 12th one without Dad. I don’t expect it …
I feel like a cook tasked with making a stew of two dozen ingredients from a recipe I’ve never seen, and I’m a bit overwhelmed and not sure where to start. Do you ever feel overwhelmed with a new task? Do you ever wonder where to start? Which direction to go? Where to put your …
I hiked up the hill of the pasture with a destination in mind. Nearly two decades earlier, I had taken the same route after losing the man I loved. He’d abandoned me for another woman. For as long as I remember, my parents’ pasture has been my go-to place when grieved or troubled. It was …
No two people could be as different as my brother and me, but even if siblings share a lot of similarities, the death of their parents and dividing of an estate can be a wedge between them. I’ve heard numerous stories about money and possessions segregating families into warring factions. Accusations fly like nuclear missiles, …
What is the single biggest component of finding healing within grief, besides expressing it? Embracing the new. Inviting what’s next into our lives. Believing we can love and laugh again. Today is the first day of spring. I hadn’t noticed until I received a life-changing phone text this afternoon, and then I realized the irony. …
I wonder if my mother was beautiful. I wonder if we shared the same hair color. If her eyes were blue. If she grinned when she held me. If she held me. I wonder if she thinks of me. Surely she must think of me. At least on my birthday. These are things normal daughters …
Who was your first Valentine? Maybe that cute boy with the cowlick who sat in the back of the classroom comes to mind. Or maybe you think of your daddy. I do. Our dads get us ready for all the Valentines that come afterward. If our dads treat us well, we look for a romantic …
I found the lists after he died and wished I’d been more attentive to and thankful for who my father was. He’d put check marks beside the names and addresses on the list. They signified thank you notes he’d sent to each of the people who’d given him a gift. My father was a mail …
