Toni Lepeska
When a Parent Dies
Surviving the anniversaries & holidays that trigger grief
I cannot help but recall what happened at this hospital 15 years ago. My mother’s march toward death began in a room like this, a hand sanitizer station fixed to a wall, tubes for oxygen behind a bed. I am here for minor surgery on my mother-in-law, but as I settle in for a long …
My father’s photograph hangs in our hallway. I am horrible at decorating. I did not nail it there. My husband did. That might not seem terribly odd except I did not ask him to nail up the picture. And … my husband never knew my dad. He had died before I met Richard. Nonetheless, Richard …
You probably have a special memory you go back to this time of year, the season of the Grief Super Bowl, the annual apex of grieving. It’s likely a bittersweet replay. I go back in my mind to a little girl at a dining room table, feet on a trailer vent grate for warmth and …
Are you living with an eye toward legacy? What is legacy all about anyway? I think those of us who’ve had a parent die have thought about this word at least a little. And maybe we’ve wondered where it fits into our lives. The dictionary says legacy is anything handed down from the past, as …
Would someone please tell church leaders not to say “Happy Mother’s Day” to every woman as she arrives for worship service? Please tell them they need a new script for the grieving. My mother is dead, and I am not a mother. And I am not alone in feeling left out by that welcome at …
I found the homemade Mother’s Day card inside a box of her things, and I read what I’d written as a teenager. “If I didn’t have you what could I do?” At her house among her things, I thought, This is the question I’ve lived with since she died.
Christmas won’t ever be the same after a parent dies and neither will the messages within some of our beloved songs. In the thick of grief, we may decide to rip off the volume knob, ban any Christmas tune. Or we may sing along. Whatever serves our healing is the right thing to do. Yes, …
The pandemic. The political tension. The demands of social distancing on a holiday designed for togetherness. I thought I'd republish last year's blog this Thanksgiving - because we all could use a refresher on being grateful when circumstances are pulling us apart.
Thanksgiving is the time of year we taste our grief. Literally. I mean, no one makes homemade cornbread dressing like Mom. But … she isn’t here anymore to make it. It cannot be the same … So, like any perfectly sentimental daughter, I always make dressing, aka, stuffing, in just the way Mom made dressing. …
