Toni Lepeska
When a Parent Dies
Why do we love sad movies? I’m no psychologist, but may I suggest that art helps us grieve. It helps us cope by showing us others grieve, maybe in a similar way as we have. And they lived to write a screenplay about it. Or a book. Or paint on canvass. How? We see if …
What changes the course of our grief? What puts us on the path of healing? What quiets the raging questions, self-accusatory thoughts and pit-sinking sorrow? May I suggest an “aha” moment – an epiphany. A sudden, transformative thought or realization that changes perspective and gives us release or relief – a piece of healing. I …
If there was a time I was stuck in my grief, it was the fall of 2013. In my frustration over lack of progress in multiple areas of my life, I berated myself with unkind thoughts. I toiled with several simultaneous issues – career, illness, relationships, professional envy. If my self-esteem had been a liquid, …
Blinding light streamed through the curtains and hit my canopy bed. I buried my face under the covers for as long as possible, but couldn’t escape. I cracked open my eyes. What was that on the dresser? A stuffed leopard. A container of chocolates. My eyes widened. Now I was ready to get up. I’ve …
Do you think life is a set of coincidences? Or do you believe a master engineer is guiding your life? I must say I believe the latter. Why? I keep bumping into people and opportunities that fit into my life and into my dreams. Sure, I’ve got to put my horse in the race, but …
Under the bowels of the dressing room sink, I discovered a half-completed painting, a sort of portrait of an unfinished life It wasn’t the last evidence I’d find of a life interrupted. Nor the last grief trigger to cross my path. I found Mom’s half-done crossword puzzles. Her hand-drawn plans for a circular driveway that …
Delegating what to do with what the dead leave behind is a common ritual for the living. And when it’s your own loved one? In each slip of a paper and garment is a memory. Or a smell. A joy followed by a grief. For some, the task is too painful. They assign the job …
Grief is surrounded by myths. Believing things that aren’t true isn’t healing and isn’t helpful. Myths cement us. We can’t move forward in our grief or, if we’re the comforting friend, we can’t be helpful. And in fact, we might accidentally injure our grieving loved one. When we don’t measure up to what our myths …
For all the sifting I did through my parents’ things after they died, I did not find one indication they ever made New Year’s resolutions, but somehow the practice caught on with me. They did create goals from time to time and posted inspirational quotes and phrases. I’m more intentional. I divided my 2019 goals …
