Welcome to my blog. I got an uneasy feeling as I prepared to write this first post. I’m not a terribly private person, but as the moment to bare my soul approached, I discovered I wanted to hold back, not put myself out there. Expressing grief is an exercise in vulnerability.
Perhaps you’ve felt vulnerable with grief. Instead of telling someone you aren’t okay, instead of shedding tears in a crowded room, instead of telling someone a piece of your story, you shy away and you hold it all inside.
Of course, you don’t want to burst into tears at a business meeting, but expressing grief is a natural part of who we are. We need to give grief room – space for expression. A place to deal with it instead of shutting it behind a closet door. One of my main places to do that privately has been at my parents’ home with their things, and I’ve shared a lot with my husband here at home.
Some of us are also moved to share this very private place with others who are hurting. Grief is a journey to be shared. That doesn’t mean you have to get behind a podium and give a speech. Your co-worker might just need to hear, “Losing my father was hard for me, too, but take a day at a time. You’ll get through it.” Or maybe you need to be present while someone else is being vulnerable. Listening is a great gift, a healing balm. And so is sharing.
Why do I need to be transparent? It’s been 10 years since my father died, but losing him changed my life forever. I’d known no matter what, I had my daddy. And then I did not have my daddy. Not here beside me. Not for meals, not for celebrations, not for times I hurt and needed his steady presence. But you can imagine I’m not in the same place with my grief as I was. That’s not to say grief has an end, something our society champions. But I’m not in the same place.
I’m building a new life. I’m learning things all the time and I love it. I see things I didn’t see 3 years ago, 5 years ago, 10 years ago. I need to be transparent to give you hope. I need to be transparent so my friends will see God’s work in my life. I didn’t come this far on my own. God walked with me. He’ll walk with you, too.
How will you be transparent this week? What expressions of transparency help you relieve sadness or anger or any of the multi-faceted faces of grief?
Copyright © 2016 by Toni Lepeska. All rights reserved. www.tonilepeska.com
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