Toni Lepeska
When a Parent Dies
I cannot help but recall what happened at this hospital 15 years ago. My mother’s march toward death began in a room like this, a hand sanitizer station fixed to a wall, tubes for oxygen behind a bed. I am here for minor surgery on my mother-in-law, but as I settle in for a long …
My father’s photograph hangs in our hallway. I am horrible at decorating. I did not nail it there. My husband did. That might not seem terribly odd except I did not ask him to nail up the picture. And … my husband never knew my dad. He had died before I met Richard. Nonetheless, Richard …
You never forget the roar. I was 8 years old when a tornado terrorized my family as we tried to survive in perhaps the worst possible structure to shelter us. I was tucked under the covers when the bedroom light came on, and the next thing I knew, my mother had pulled me out of …
We are trained to look at the big things when we're grieving, but if we overlook the small things, we will miss important milestones toward healing.
You probably have a special memory you go back to this time of year, the season of the Grief Super Bowl, the annual apex of grieving. It’s likely a bittersweet replay. I go back in my mind to a little girl at a dining room table, feet on a trailer vent grate for warmth and …
I found the homemade Mother’s Day card inside a box of her things, and I read what I’d written as a teenager. “If I didn’t have you what could I do?” At her house among her things, I thought, This is the question I’ve lived with since she died.
Give yourself credit. Even if you aren’t doing grief like your mother, best friend or neighbor. Even if you haven’t been out of bed in a week. Even if you still collapse in tears recalling how you missed your father’s last Christmas.
We’ve been in the fire almost a year now. The pandemic burned away life as we knew it. But in addition to a collective grief, we’ve fought our own personal, devastating fires. Do you feel like your life is burning down around you today? Been there. A few times in my life I’ve felt like …
Christmas won’t ever be the same after a parent dies and neither will the messages within some of our beloved songs. In the thick of grief, we may decide to rip off the volume knob, ban any Christmas tune. Or we may sing along. Whatever serves our healing is the right thing to do. Yes, …
