It’s appropriate this week to thank you – to offer gratitude – to you. I’m thankful for reader friends and for those who support my writing in any way.
Whether it’s by following my blog or sharing a post, hitting “like” on social media, by showing up at a book signing, or by simply offering an encouraging word, I am grateful.

I recently read a post about envy. Isn’t that unusual, to think about envy during Thanksgiving, a time to express gratitude for what we have? I had to admit I had been guilty. I had wanted something that was someone else’s.
I think back to two years ago. I had wished I was one of those writers followed by thousands. One of the ones whose book had been picked up by a traditional publisher, with my book in a store. One of the golden few. And so when my memoir proposal was rejected by a top-name publisher, I was devastated, though I knew rejection was the norm. I took it personal.
I had a lot of good, wholesome reasons for my book to land in lots of hands. Or in anyone’s hands. But my envy was the fly that spoiled the soup.
I think envy may come from a few places, but for me it sprang from insecurity. I felt confident I could write a good news story, having been in the business for 25 years, but memoir writing was a different animal. Even though I received some great encouragement at a writing conference in 2016, I wasn’t sure I was good enough. I needed affirmation.
The rejection seemed to affirm my insecurity.
And then I got very sick. For seven months. Sometimes God takes us backwards to enable us to spring forward.
My career this year has been a very busy, exciting one. I’ve had to turn down writing jobs. I won an honorable mention in the Writer’s Digest contest for the second year in a row, and one of my essays was published in a book. Last week, I participated in my first-ever book signing and reading. My story, Standing in the Gap, starts on page 215 in Grief Dialogues: The Book. Several friends showed up, and many others offered congratulations.
I discovered that while I may have a “fan base” out there, most importantly I have a “friend base.” The best part of the signing was visiting with friends. I also connected with others – including a few new blog followers. I want to welcome each of you and thank you for reading.
Where am I now? In 2019, I want to get back to pitching and writing my book, and this time without the envy. God gave me a course correction, and I intend to continue to follow it. I don’t know what’s going to become of my career, but I’ve renewed my gratitude for what I have, rather than be envious for jobs, opportunities, or affirmations I don’t have.
Grief is about what we lost. Envy is about what we want. Thanksgiving is about what we have been given by a good God who knows what we need and what we don’t need – not yet.
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Is gratitude a gift or something we generate by focusing on blessings? What do we do with Thanksgiving when we’re consumed with loss? Can grief and gratitude co-exist? If you’d like to read about my struggle with those questions, visit my Nov. 22, 2016 blog post here https://wp.me/p7Agwy-2l and let me know your thoughts on the subject.
Copyright © 2018 by Toni Lepeska. All rights reserved. www.tonilepeska.com
It’s been fun to watch your journey from this side. God has blessed your journey in so many ways. I’m happy you are in a good writing place and moving forward. I’m excited to see where God will take next. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, Toni.
Thanks, Sheryl! I hope you have a great Thanksgiving, too. You are part of this. I still consider you my mentor because you helped me thru a scary journey in ’16. Hugs!!!!
Thank you for your honest heart, Toni. I pray your book lands in the hands He chooses. I pray He continues to bless the work of your obedient hands. Have a happy Thanksgiving, dear friend.
Thanks so much, Julie! I love the way you love HIM – and it shows in how you love others. Blessings, friend!